so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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