dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
