does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
