the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize