her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
