don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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