i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
