Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
