I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
