don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
