Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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