thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
