You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
