I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
