come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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