Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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