I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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