just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Small penises have feelings too.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
