So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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