that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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