Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
