Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
