Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize