i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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