I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
