I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
