I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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