there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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