The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
