thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
