You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Still dying that you shit outside
My penis needs a shock collar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
And then he peed in my hair
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