oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
