people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
