I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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