I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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