if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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