Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
