If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
