Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
