My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
