Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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