i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
