She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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