I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
