I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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