everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
