Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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