why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
