She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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