i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
