maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
