Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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