I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
