Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
