K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
