Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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