chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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