we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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