he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize