I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
