no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
