My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
