apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was like giving head to a cactus.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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