Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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