but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
