I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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