people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
