Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
