me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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