Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
