Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
