You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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