WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You may now shotgun with the bride
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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