Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
