I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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