Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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