Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
