my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Girls should come with a carfax report
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize