we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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