Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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