Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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