I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
