So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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