I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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