Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
