last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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