Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize