The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You are the jesus of drinking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
