): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
