just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
