Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
