I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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