How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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