God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize