he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
