Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize